


Without Hope, Without Witness, Without Reward

by New_Cliche



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, minor spoilers for series 12 in the author's note, spoilers for series 10, spoilers for series 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:15:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24500050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/New_Cliche/pseuds/New_Cliche
Summary: "I am your friend..."These are Missy's final thoughts during The Doctor Falls.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Without Hope, Without Witness, Without Reward

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, this is entirely from Missy’s POV and no, it isn’t a personal theory about the Sacha Master we have in Series 12. It’s just meant to be an angsty drabble.
> 
> Also, Missy’s opinions on Clara are her own. They do not reflect what I think of her.
> 
> And for maximum effect, listen to the song “Say Something” by A Great Big World while reading this.

_“You see, Missy, this is where we've always been going. This is our perfect ending. We shoot ourselves in the back.”_

Those words were all I could think about as I lay there, his taunting laughter ringing in my ears as he descended in the elevator. I’d laughed along with him at first, but now, I had run out of strength to do anything else but lay there.

 _How ironic._ I thought to myself as I struggled to remain conscious. _I kill him to ensure my own existence, and in return, he kills me **because** of my existence. He couldn’t stand what I’d become in spite what he and all of my other past selves have done._

Already, I could feel my strength beginning to fade as the pain in my back spread throughout my body.

_Is this what it feels like? To be staring death in the face with no one around to help or comfort you?_

With this thought in mind, I thought back to all of the people I’ve hurt; the many races, species, planets and even galaxies I’d conquered, destroyed, and subjugated.

_Yes. This must’ve been what they felt like before I killed them._

_Many_ beings had perished during those past exploits of mine. If the Doctor thought that he was bad with the blood on _his_ hands, he should see mine.

Not that he could, anyways.

I wanted to laugh at the bitter irony of it all, but I was barely aware of anything anymore as darkness began to creep around the edges of my vision.

I knew it would take a while since Time Lords have a certain resilience against death, even when it’s our time. It can take us days, _weeks_ even, for us to die.

And as I finally slipped away into unconsciousness, my mind almost unwillingly began to remember him…

The Doctor.

My worst enemy, and my closest friend.

* * *

_“I need you to know we’re not so different!”_

_I’d pleaded with him, desperate to prove to him that we still needed each other. And yet, even as I told him this, there was a hint of confusion in his eyes. He didn’t have to say it because I knew what he was thinking._

_Why had I done this instead of just taking the army for myself?_

_Well, truth be told… I’d grown tired._

_Tired of all the fighting we always did. Tired of being defeated by him. Tired of being so lonely, deep down._

_I’d missed him, more so in this body than any other._

_I just wanted us to go back to the way things were before our falling out; two little boys running around in fields of red grass, laughing, smiling, and just enjoying each other’s company._

_What had happened to that? To us?_

_“I need my friend back.”_

_But of course, he once again came out on top and defeated me. He used one of my own soldiers against me and soon, all of the Cybermen I’d created and recruited had destroyed themselves and the clouds I was using as leverage against him._

_He was even fully intending to kill me right then and there… for his oh so precious Clara._

_She was nothing compared to me._

_However, the Doctor was clearly intending to “save her soul” and prepared himself to kill me for her._

_Ridiculous._

_Of course, I survived. Just like I always have and always will._

_The Doctor obviously knew that. And he also knew that despite our so called “differences”, we are more alike in more ways than anyone besides us can count._

_And that includes our unwillingness to see the other truly die._

* * *

_“A friendship older than your civilization and infinitely more complex.”_

_Clara clearly didn’t believe me, but it was the truth._

_What the Doctor and I had… it went beyond mere mortal definitions of what “friendship” and “love” meant._

_Clara obviously didn’t comprehend this, but what does she know? She may claim that she’s the Doctor’s “best friend” – perhaps even something more – but she’ll never understand him the way I do._

_Did **she** have a friendship with him when he was just a child?_

_No._

_Did **she** have a relationship with him throughout more than one of his incarnations?_

_No._

_Does **she** know his name?_

_No._

_She’s nothing but a puppy – a stupid, delusional, and pathetic puppy – who doesn’t hold a candle to what I know and understand of him._

_And I sincerely hope she realizes this, even if she won’t admit it._

* * *

_“Without hope. Without witness. Without reward…”_

_I paused, overcome with emotion, even though I knew he wouldn’t kill me. It wasn’t in his nature like it was in mine._

_“…I am your friend.”_

_And I was right._

_He had sabotaged the machine designed to kill me and brought me to the vault after scaring off my executioners._

_I wasn’t always fond of the Vault, considering how utterly boring it was in there. But at least it worked._

_He and I were almost friends again._

* * *

I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I thought of him.

_Oh, Doctor…_

His grey hair, his kind blue eyes that always held such weight and sorrow behind them, and his hearts which held so much love and compassion that I was surprised he was still around, considering how often they’ve been broken from all the goodbyes he’s had to go through.

And now, he’s just had to say goodbye to me.

_I’ve failed you…_

More tears appeared, even though my eyes couldn’t open.

As I lay there, silently crying, I found myself unable to think about anything else. Not the wound in my back, not the explosions I faintly heard off in the distance, and not the fact that I was dying.

All I could see was his face.

His face when I left him. He looked so broken, so hopeless.

So unlike the Doctor I knew.

And even though I attempted to reveal to him my plan by subtly letting him notice the knife in my sleeve, I don’t know if he actually knew what I was going to do.

Especially since I never came back…

_Without hope, without witness, and without reward…_

This was it. This was how it was going to end.

Not with a defiant fight to the death, like I’d always hoped… but with a somber silence.

And the Doctor would never know.

And as a heavy blackness overcame me, I could only try to focus my energy on one final message, hoping it would reach him:

_“I’m sorry, Doctor.”_

And with that, I was no more.

**Author's Note:**

> …Yeah. I know that was depressing. Sorry if it was excessively so.
> 
> But still, I hope you enjoyed! Go ahead and leave a comment if you want! :)


End file.
